Please, Don’t Feel Sorry For Me

It was important for me to introduce the newsletter with the above title. Why? Because as unfortunate of a situation as this is for me, I don’t need or want your sympathy. I need your love, support, and kindness – but not your pity.

This year will mark my 13th year of being incarcerated (not counting the 11 months after Hurricane Katrina). The domino effect of that is my children, family and friends missing my physical presence for 13+ years; and I theirs. I’ve lost a lot! I’m not gonna go into everything I’ve lost because that would be a newsletter in itself (maybe a few :-)). However, there is a priceless gift that I lost some of – yet I still have. And that is time! Though I have 38 years of life behind me, as long as I continue to be afforded another minute, I’m going to live my ‘Best Life’ within that minute.

All of us, and I do mean ALL OF US…are constantly going through some form of adversity. Whether your obstacles are health issues, mental problems, lack of confidence, the loss of a loved one, or the weight of the pandemic, we all are experiencing some kind of difficulty that we have the potential to overcome. How do you overcome it? Hell, I don’t know! :-) But I can tell you how I’m overcoming mine. Then maybe that will motivate you to be victorious over yours, or to just keep pushing. But first allow me to make one of my struggles transparent. This will give you something specific to look at and into:

The struggle of being a great father from prison.

So…13 years ago from today, my son Corey was 6 years old and my daughter Asia was 4. That’s a BIG gap of not being there with them! And some of the struggles that have come with being an incarcerated father are missing special events (like school, activities, etc.), limited bonding time (visits only), and limited communication (phone calls at $0.21 a minute). Now I had an excellent example of fatherhood and I also experienced what my children are/have been experiencing. My father was out of my life from the age of 4-14. So how was he a great father? Because I know he did what I’m suggesting you do with whatever your challenge is: He did the best he could with what he had. By the age of 18 – when my father was murdered – I’d been with my father a total of 8 years. But with just that small amount of time, I feel I had the best father in the world!

What is the role of a father? I’m sure folk have their own definitions, but the characteristics I’m about to state are undeniable! A true father is a Visionary, Leader, Teacher, Cultivator, Provider, and Protector. Since I desire to be a true father (despite my circumstances), I have to do my best to measure up to these attributes.

I have problems just getting my children to answer the phone :-). But I never give up! I’ve been writing my son by mail and my daughter via JPay regardless. I’m limited in funds because I don’t make money, but I still find ways to provide for them. And I teach them, despite limited time. So I do my best with what I have.

With your challenge, are you giving your best? Or are you making excuses?

On July 8th of last year, during all of the hype and misfortune surrounding the COVID-19 Pandemic, a special friend of mine shared a quote with me that explained in the plainest language, how I’m built. The quote says,

The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances. Unknown

Think about that…..as hot as boiling water is, it can’t make a potato hard. Nor can it soften an egg. The essence of the entity determines that --- not the factors surrounding them. I know I’m built Chevy tough! (I say Chevy tough because I don’t f*ck with Ford :-)). Honestly though, my tenacity has shocked me at times. I’ve often questioned myself. Why haven’t I snapped? What’s wrong with me? But nothing is wrong with me! I was created and formed perfectly --- imperfections and all :-). And so were you!

One of the goals of this newsletter is to share some experiences with you and to assure you that if I can handle my misfortunes, struggles and obstacles effectively from where I stand, so can you. If I can make outstanding achievements from a prison, then surely you can do the same and more with your freedom. It would be foolish of me to do this for applause. It’s for confirmation of who you are.

Family and friends, I’m doing my best with what I have….so please, don’t feel sorry for me. Now that you know what I’m made of, I have to ask: what are you made of?

Much Love,

Soul