How Did You Do It?

The most common question I’m usually asked when people find out that I’ve spent 16 years of my life behind bars is, “How did you do it?”

Well, the question can be answered very simply. Yet, on another hand, the answer to that question has layers that takes a while to explain. So in my explanation to people, I generally give them both. Only now I can go into those layers deeper than I can in a casual conversation.

Here’s how I was able to do it – the layered version:

The first and most significant aspect of this accomplishment (and yes, I did say accomplishment) was that I was blessed by the best. See, I believe in a force that is greater than myself and I believe that this force has guided me to be part of a certain family, meet certain people, be in the right places at the right time, and affected me or cause me to be the person I am. This is the cornerstone of my life experience and the foundation that the other layers are built upon.

The second ingredient in my being able to “do it” was that I was prepared. My father – the best example of a man that I ever walked with – was an ex-con. This was someone who mentored, raised, and poured into me. But not only was he an ex-con, most of the men in his inner circle was as well. So naturally, being among all those men gave me a perspective and insight on how to carry myself in such a dangerous, unfamiliar situation like prison.

The third layer is that I made up my mind on the type of person I was going to be. It is my belief that every person who is sentenced to serve in jail/prison goes in fearful of the unknown (unless of course they’ve already been; which would make the aware). And because of that fearfulness, they transform into the type of person they think they need to be to survive. In our society that transformation usually is into some degenerate of the men and women they were created to be. However, my mind was set on becoming the type of man my father was; an upright man.

Another layer of making it had a lot to do with the undying support of my family and loyal friends who stayed with me throughout the whole process. Support from loved ones is a commodity that most people in prison find themselves without. Fortunate for me, I was blessed to have visits, phone calls answered, letters, cards, and money sent that made my experience a hell of a lot easier than it would’ve been without it.

The fifth layer is that I stayed busy! Whether it was reading a book, writing some notes or to someone, studying some lessons, exercising on the yard, working at my job, or staying involved with the positive groups I was a part of, and I even set goals for myself to have something to strive for and watch manifest. I stayed constructively busy, instead of allowing myself or my mind to be idle.

The next phase of that contributed to me making it was my focus on only what I could control. In prison you’ll find a lot of things you have no control over and many get so frustrated and even lose their sanity over things they have no control over. I made a point to stay patient and only place my concern where it needed to be: on things and people I could affect.

The final principle helping me throughout my incarceration is not feeling guilt, shame or remorse. This is a very heavy burden that most people in prison live with every day. They can be so heavy that they lead to anxiety, depression and feelings of worthlessness, irrespective of your station in life. Accepting responsibility for my role in the happenings that lead up to my arrest, and rejecting any part that I wasn’t responsible for helped me to not suffer from shame, which made it easier to deal with life day to day.

So the condensed, detailed way of explaining it, I was able to “do it” by:

1. Being Blessed by the best.

2. Being prepared.

3. Making up my mind to be an upright man.

4. Having supportive family members and friends.

5. Staying busy.

6. Focusing only on what I could control.

7. Not feeling shameful.

In my simplistic answer, how did I do it? I just did it.

I’d like to close by saying this: Coming out on the other side of any prison term is a struggle, and I don’t intend to diminish that struggle by this statement: Struggle is universal. I know everyone wants to make their struggle out to be the greatest struggle ever! But in truth, no matter what your struggle is – whether you’re a single mother with children, an obese person struggling to lose weight, a soldier in the heat of battle, whether you’ve lost a loved one, suffering with physical or mental health issues, serving a life sentence, or 2 years on probation – everyone’s struggle is equally important to them.

I feel like the key to one struggle is the same as all the rest: Persevere, by taking it one day at a time.

Much Love,

Soul