Friends

How many friends do you have? How long have you had that friend/those friends? What exactly is a friend? Is there a single definitive explanation to what a friend is or is the answer distinct to each person? Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines friend as: 1) one attached to another by respect or affection; 2) Acquaintance; 3) one who is not hostile; 4) one who supports or favors something. While I agree with the above definitions, they fall short of the depth of the true meaning of a friend for me. My definition of friend would have to include the character of the person as being sincere, honest, trustworthy, and loyal.

In my short lifetime, my definition for friend has evolved. When I was younger, the meaning was simplistic like the Merriam-Webster's definition. People would say that I never met a stranger because, basically my friends were everybody I played and interacted with. However, after many relationships that brought forth joy and pain, my value for the title "friend" increased and for me, the meaning of that word grew.

A few weeks ago, I participated in a great conversation about friends; that conversation was the inspiration for this article. I say I “participated" and I did; but I mainly listened to the other 3 people go through some of their experiences and disappointments that came from so-called friendships. What intrigued me is all of them were in sync with not having many friends. The conversation was mainly about disloyal, untrustworthy people who they chose to distance themselves from or simply grew a part from. Two of the people having this conversation where a married couple who said they were each other’s only friend -- along with their five children. The other person (a friend of mine) said that he only had about 3 friends, and I was one of those 3. This conversation also brought to light that neither of them had a single friend from high school despite having many friends at that time.

Listening to their conversation gave me mixed emotions:

1. I felt a little disappointed that I didn't consider my children or family members -- friends. I was sad that my children and I don't have the type of relationship that the married couple experience or they type of relationship I desire to have with them, let alone us being friends!

2. I also felt kind of special because I have plenty of friends. Pictures of every person I consider to be my friend came across my mind. I have six friendships that date back to middle school in Atlanta, GA. I left Atlanta at the age of 15 and I am now 38 years old. Despite distance and circumstances, the six of us have managed to maintain relationships with each other after 23 years! And they aren't the only guys I consider to be my friends. I have about six friends I met throughout the prison system, 2 or 3 friends that have gone home from prison, two friends in Baltimore, MD that still reach out to me, friends in New Orleans, LA who stay in touch, a friend from high school who lives in Houston, TX, and a female friend who lives in Baton Rouge, LA. So...am I that lucky or am I trippin'!

3. The last feeling I experienced was one of doubt.

I was forced to reexamine my own definition of friend (as I've done many of times before) and all of the faces that came to mind when I thought of ‘my friends’. Could the 3 participants in the conversation be right and the friends that I think I have aren't ‘true friends’? Could it be they’re wrong and I’m just blessed to have so many friends? Or maybe we’re all right with different experiences and perspectives. I've heard many quotes and principles on friendships. Two of my favorite quotes have been discovered in the past few years: Only equals can be friends. -- Ethiopian Proverb You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. So make sure your friends are people you would choose to be family. -- Unknown Here are a few more quotes that I've either heard in life or came across while reading that are worth sharing:

• Friendship is a sheltering tree -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

• In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

• There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. -- Proverb 18:24

• Be carefully who you call you friend. -- My mother

• Everybody you call ‘friend’ is not your friend. -- My mother

• If you have one person you can call friend in your entire life, you are doing good – Unknown

So...what are your thoughts about friendship? What's your concept and definition of friend? How many do you have, lots of friends like me or just a few? Do you feel I’m dreaming to think that I have so many friends? I can't wait to hear back from you when sharing your thoughts! 😁 Much Love,

SOUL